Bragging About My Weakness
Friday morning began as any other. I awoke with eye pain as always-nothing which seemed any different from every morning since August 23rd. It had become normal. However, this morning was not going to end normally like any other morning. By 9:00 am I was curled in the fetal position in the floor in the bathroom at work crying that I “could not see.” Excruciating pain radiated through my left eye, and I quite literally could not open my eyes or see the outside world. Over the course of a year, three different doctors had given me half-hearted responses and left me with more questions than answers. I believe I had just accepted this thorn. I could live with it, I thought.
That was until Friday morning. Wearing sunglasses and a compress over my bad eye, I was driven to the doctor and led blindly into the office by the hand of my mother. I took a seat and let the warm tears roll down my cheek until they called my name. When the doctor entered my exam room, he began poking and prodding at the eye which he had to pry open. It wasn’t until that moment when the weight of the situation came crashing down on me. “You could have lost your sight,” he said. Wait, what? No. That doesn’t seem right. “If you kept waiting to receive a diagnosis and treatment, you could have lost your sight in your left eye,” he repeated. “You need surgery.” And there it was. Never in a million years did I think I would hear those words spoken to me at 23 years old. Could I have lost my sight?
As the weekend progressed, the pain became worse. By Saturday evening I was confined to the couch. Eyes closed. Head back. Alone with my thoughts and my heavenly Father. Why would He let this happen? If I went any further, I could have lost my sight? How did I let it get to this point? What if the surgery did not fix the issue? What if I DID lose my sight in my left eye?
Then like a cooling breeze from a northerly wind, I felt His spirit touch my cheek as if to brush away the tear lingering there. “My grace is enough for you.” At the recognition of this verse, I immediately grasped for my Bible app and had Siri flip to the chapter which Awana taught me so well-2 Corinthians 12. Specifically, verse 9. “’My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.’”
And I wept. At that moment, it all made sense. While I do not know the reason yet, I know that God has a purpose for this pain. This thorn is not irrelevant to the ministry of my life. When I am blind, He is all-seeing and all-knowing. When I am in pain, He is the healer. When I am weak, He is strong.
“So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can live in me. For this reason I am happy when I have weaknesses, insults, hard times, sufferings, and all kinds of troubles for Christ. Because when I am weak, then I am truly strong.”
-2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Perhaps it was the two ladies sitting in the waiting room which I was able to share with about my upcoming missions trip. Or maybe it was the moment of prayer my husband and I shared with two godly men from church. I might never know the reason this side of heaven. What I do know is that this thorn-this temporary blindness-is so small in comparison to the love of the Father.
I once was blind, but now I see. So I will brag about my weakness…
